Singlemindedness

For D and S

I keep thinking I need to write, I need to write about something, anything, besides these beautiful little children on my lap. You're intelligent kids, I tell myself. Surely you have something to say beyond the ramblings of a love-struck mother.

But I don't. Not yet, anyway.

One day I'll come out of this baby fog. I'll remember that I am a person in my own right, someone with my own thoughts and interests. I'll stop being so distracted. I'll be more conscientious when it comes to my other responsibilities. I can't blame it on exhaustion or a slow recovery or adjusting to two kids. This is all I can offer you by way of explanation, complete and utter infatuation.

For now, though, I'm giving myself permission to be entirely lost in you both.

You're both growing so fast, you see. I swear, I can almost watch it happen. Each diaper change, S's a little bit bigger; each morning, D's a little more alert. Her tiny head is already reached by my hip. The smallest of S's sleepers will soon be packed away.

I sit down at the keyboard to write and all I can write about is you both. I wake up in the morning and find myself still curled protectively around you. At noon, when you both nap, I don't know what to do with myself after a while. I begin wandering aimlessly through the house, tidying things here, sorting things there, until either of you wake up and I can have you in my arms again.

I am completely captivated.

I hope you'll forgive me, then, for writing about little else during these early weeks. One day I'll talk about our official entrance into the world of homeschooling. I'll share what's been cooking in my kitchen, forming in the insides of my head and heart, or what music is playing on my laptop. I'll swoon over my fabulously creative boy and my ridiculously sweet toddler I'll share the beauty of revelations discovered as I come to know more deeply this God who sings over His children. All of it, more, it will come in time.

For now, though, I'm all wrapped up in these little ones. I'll tell you about how very precious you look sleeping on the Dad's chest (and how very very sexy my husband looks with a baby sleeping on his chest), how unbelievably soft his skin is, how dark her beautiful eyes are. I'll be slow - forgive me - in replying to emails and tending to my to-do list. I'm simply busy taking them in, taking in every moment of this too-soon-gone newborn season.

Because tomorrow he'll be walking and the next day she might be walking down the aisle, just like that. As it is, she's already figured how to swing herself on the duck swing by now, and he's too eager to sit by himself!

I don't want to spend that day wishing I'd held either of you more.


Loving every moment of now
Ma